back to school jokes

Back to School Jokes!

Are you ready to go back to school and throw some jokes at your classmates?

We hope so!

Most of you have surely enjoyed your whole vacation by watching Netflix or browsing networking sites. It’s now time to go back to reality and prepare some school jokes you can use to ease the tension with your new classmates. Lucky for you, we know you’re going to search for kids’ jokes about school and other first day of school jokes so we wrote this very long blog you are reading!

We have carefully curated some of the funniest jokes you can share with your friends to make you look more interesting! This compilation of back to school jokes will surely help you gain more connections and ease your nervousness about the whole academic year.

John: Knock, knock.

Justin: Who’s there?

John: Gladys.

Justin: Gladys, who?

John: Gladys the weekend—no homework!


Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory?

Student: I don’t know. Why?

Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate!


Jordan: My teacher says I have to write more clearly.

Mom: That’s a good idea, Jordan.

Jordan: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.


Teacher: Tommy, can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed?

Tommy: Yes, ma’am. At the bottom.


Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?

Johnny: In jail!


Phil: What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?

Cheryl: I don’t know.

Phil: He has only one pupil.


Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

Donald: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.

Teacher: What are you talking about?

Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.


Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies?

Moe: I don’t know. What?

Joe: The ruler.


Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?

Leonard: Why?

Jacob: She had bright students!


Why was the car embarrassed?

Because it had gas


A man took another man to court accusing him of stealing a small box.

The man claimed it was just an empty box. The case was closed, it was a briefcase.


What did one melon say to the other melon?

We’re too young, we cantelope!


What kind of shoes do frogs wear? 

Open toad shoes.


Why did the lettuce blush? 

Because it saw the salad dressing!


What kind of lights did Noah have on the Ark? 



What is a pirate’s favorite letter? 

You’d think it be ARRRRRRR!!! But his heart belongs to the C!!


How did harry potter get down the hill? 

Walking… jk rowling


What kind of doctor is at home with a pager?

An on-call-ogist.


What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 

Nothing…they just waved!

You sea what I did there?


Why are there no casinos in Africa? 

Too many cheetahs!


Q: What vegetables do librarians like?

A: Quiet peas.


Q: Why didn’t the sun go to college?

A: Because it already had a million degrees!


Q: What did the ground say to the earthquake?

A: You crack me up!


Q: What kind of plates do they use on Venus?

A: Flying saucers!


What do you call a waving pepper? 

A Hola-peno!


What did the Pool say to the Pond? 

Water you doing here.


Why was the Broom late for school? 

It over Swept 


What did the fish say when it hit the wall? 



What do you call a fake noodle? 

An impasta.


What’s a witch’s favorite subject? 



How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 

Ten tickles! (tentacles)


Doctor you’ve got to help me, I’m addicted to Twitter! 

Doctor: I don’t follow you.


Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?

Because he was out standing in his field.

What did he say at his acceptance speech?

Hay, it’s in my jeans


Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own? 

Because it was 2 tired!


Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?

Lots of blood tests!


Q. How did the ghost teach her class to go through the wall?

She went through it over and over.


Q. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!


Q. Why did the teacher draw on the window?

Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!


Q. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?



Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?

He wanted to cut class!


 “Class, we will only have half a day of school this morning,” said the teacher to applause from her students. “But in the afternoon, we will have the other half.”


Q: What kind of school do surfers go to?

A: Boarding school.


Q: What did the pen say to the pencil?

A: What’s your point?


Q: What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?

A: Stop going in circles and get to the point!


Q: What do librarians take with them when they go fishing?

A: Bookworms


What does your computer do for lunch?

Has a byte! 


What did the buffalo say at drop off?



What did the student say to the teacher after he missed the first day of school? 

No, ma’am. I didn’t miss it at all. 


Why do math books always look so sad?

They are full of problems. 


Why did the kid eat his homework?

Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake. 


How does a scientist freshen her breath?

With experi-mints!


Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

Because she wanted to go to high school.


What did one pencil say to the other on the first day of school?

Looking sharp! 


Knock, knock!

Who’s there?


Pencil who?

Never mind, this is pointless. 


Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide. 


What did the spider make online?

A website!


Q: Why did the girl eat her homework?

A: Because she didn’t have a dog.


Q: How can you make seven even?

A: Take away the “s”


Q: Why did the obtuse angle get upset?

A: Because it knew it would never be right.


Q: What did the math book say to the history book?

A: Boy, do I have problems.


Q: How can you make one dime into 20 cents?

A: Place it in front of the mirror.


Q: How many women were born in the year 2008?

A: None, only babies were born.


Q: Why is glue bad at math?

A: It always gets stuck on problems.


Q: How do you make one vanish?

A: Add a ‘g’ to the beginning and it’s gone.


Q:  Where do polar bears vote?

A:  The North Pole


Q:  Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?

A:  Because he was always on the deck.


Q:  What has four wheels and flies?

A:  A trash truck


Q:  What do you give to a sick lemon?

A:  Lemon aid


Q:  What’s a tornado’s favorite game to play?

A:  Twister


Q:  What do you get when you throw a lot of books in the ocean?

A:  A title wave


Why did the girl turn down the invisible man?

Cause she just couldn’t see going to prom with him!


Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?

His ghoul friend.


Why did the Orange take a Prune to prom?

Because he couldn’t find a Date!


What did the shark say to the marlin at prom?

Lookin’ Sharp.


Where do lightning bolts go for prom?

To cloud 9.


Do you know what my prom date suit is made out of?

Boyfriend Material.


Where do cows go before prom?

To the moooooovies.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate?

A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?



Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends argon.


What are the teacher’s three favorite words?

June, July & August.


What room can a student never enter?

A Mushroom.


What letter is found in a cup?



What is white when it’s dirty and black when it’s clean?

A blackboard.


What school supply is always tired?

A knapsack.


What do mathematicians eat on Halloween?

Pumpkin Pi.


Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?

Because it improves di-vison.


Kid: I think we need a new teacher.

Mom: Why is that?

Kid: Our teacher doesn’t know anything, she keeps asking us for the answers.


Mom: What did you learn today?

Kid: Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.


Teacher: You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet.

Pupil: But these are the only feet I’ve got!


Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with “t”.

Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.


Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting?

Pupil: I used his pen!


Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?

Pupil: I’m paying as little attention as I can.


Q:  What did the mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?

A:  That’s Nacho Cheese!


Q:  What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit?

A:  Boo-berries


Q:  Why did the man take his clock to the vet?

A:  Because it had ticks


Q:  Which is faster – heat or cold?

A:  Heat, because you can catch a cold


Q:  What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A:  A stick


What did the calculator say to the girl on the first day of school?

Pick me and I’ll solve all your problems!


How can you make the first day of school fly by?

Throw a clock!


Where did the sheep say they went for summer vacation?

The Baa-hamas


Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Justin who?

Just in time for the first day of school.


Knock Knock

Who’s there?


Noah who?

Noah more summer – it’s time for school!


What kind of meals do math teachers eat?

Square meals


Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?

The teacher told him not to use tables.


What did the math book say to the history book?

You know you can count on me.


What is a math teacher’s favorite season?



Q:  Why did the chicken go to jail?

A:  Because he was using fowl language 


Q:  What has two legs but can’t walk?

A:  A pair of pants


Q:  Which vegetable should you never invite on a boat trip?

A:  A leek


Q:  How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?

A:  Shocked


Q:  Why did the horse chew with his mouth open?

A:  Because he had bad stable manners

Why should you know at least 10 back to school jokes?

  1. Back to school jokes make your mind sharp.
  2. Back to school jokes give you an opportunity to practice standing and speaking in front of people.
  3. Kids’ jokes about school help them relax and it is effective for stress relief.
  4. Kids’ jokes about school that makes the classroom atmosphere less tense.
  5. The first day of school jokes bridges the gaps between friends built through vacation.
  6. Sharing back to school jokes develops risk-taking since you do not know how people will react.
  7. Back to school jokes enhance analytical thinking because some jokes have to be deciphered.

To make your school year more meaningful and engaging, here are some other articles by Student-tutor that you might find helpful:

How to Build Self-Confidence

How to Develop Student Leadership Skills

Private School vs Public School: Which is Best for Your Child’s Future?

Top 15 High School Freshman Advice

8 Best Free Mathematics Apps for Kids

Mental Math Tricks: No Calculator Needed!

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Todd VanDuzer

Co-Founder & CEO at Student-Tutor
Hello! My name is Todd. I help students design the life of their dreams by ensuring college, scholarship, and career success! I am a former tutor for seven years, $85,000 scholarship recipient, Huffington Post contributor, lead SAT & ACT course developer, host of a career exploration podcast for teens, and have worked with thousands of students and parents to ensure a brighter future for the next generation. I invite you to join my next webinar to learn how to save thousands + set your teenager up for college, scholarship, and career success!

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3 years ago

Haha, these are great! It’s funny how children are attached to technology nowadays. When I was little we would spend more time talking to each other. Now all they do is text.

8 years ago

mee too

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